Angrrrr! How the Military Ruined A Genre Part 1

I spent 8 years in the military working in the munitions department and in all those years I learned a lot things. There were horrible things I picked up that I wish I could unlearn and then there are things that I learned that have always served me well. But of the horrible things I learned none was more damning to me than the ruination of just about any military related film out there. I see films now that involve the military and I'm reminded of the inaccuracies they portray. So here it is the top 6 reasons that the military has ruined the films that feature them to me.

6. There Are No Rules

Top Offenders: Full Metal Jacket, In the Army Now, Iron Eagle, Jarhead

In these films there are apparently no consequences to any actions at all. Take Full Metal Jacket for example which has R. Lee Ermey's  drill sergeant character out right torturing his trainees. In the real world we call this assault and it is very punishable.

"I love you Private Joker!"

Iron Eagle is another offender which sees an F-16 pilots high school kid zipping around in a multimillion dollar tax funded war machine. Oh yeah he also listens to generic 80's music as he does it. Don't believe me check it out here.

5. That Doesn't Look Right At All

Top Offenders: The Hurt Locker, Cloak & Dagger, Karate Kid II

Oh boy. The Hurt Locker as a whole is just all sorts of off. Here I'll just let this stripes.com picture point out all the uniform problems that the movie has going on.

He's also rocking a pair of tight jeans and Jordan's.

If you would like to read the full article you can find it here. I think I need not bash that movie anymore. At least not for awhile anyway.

A lot of 80's films also seem to be unable to get it right. In Cloak & Dagger (filmed in San Antonio) our protagonist is a 12 year old son of an Air Force Buck Sergeant whose job is pilot. Enlisted men do not fly planes and even if the Air Force was going to let enlisted people pilot planes they wouldn't let it happen at such a low rank. A final example would be in the Karate Kid II. Our heroes from the original take a trip to Okinawa Japan looking for Tomei Village, which has been swallowed up Kadena AB. When seeking directions they ask an Airman who is referred to as a Corporal by an off screen superior.

4. Weapons Not Acting As They Should

Top Offenders: Transformers, Hard Target

I know that Michael Bay's Transformers is set in a fantasy world but the military aspect of it is supposed to be grounded in reality. Here is a video of it for your amusement. And seeing as how I've worked on the gunships before I know a few things. There are several problems here but I'll just give you the most glaring problem.  The ground support is requesting 105mm shells be fired. Scorponok (the villain) is literally right next to them. Those soldiers would be thrown by shock waves, deafened by the impact of the shots, and killed by shrapnel if it were 105mm shells.

"Quick, run away from this awful movie!"

In Hard Target the villain uses a Thompson Center Arms Contender which is a single shot small caliber weapon. It's the hand gun located below. The movie for some odd reason the movie insists that these shells are explosive and everything that Lance Henrikson hits with it explodes into a blazing inferno.

"I was going to shoot him but ammo prices have gotten so out of hand that it's not in the budget."

So there you go. Three of the six reasons why the military has forever polluted the film industry. I know what you're thinking right now. "It's just a movie." While that may be true my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder dictates that no mistakes ever be made. Ever. Next week I'll run down the top three things that military movies can't seem to get right.

TO BE CONTINUED...